Thursday, August 20, 2009

I am now ready to be the keeper of my home

Ok, I have to admit it, I AM NOT A KEEPER OF MY HOME. At least I haven't been so far. I thought I was. I mean I am here everyday and I cook and straighten up and even keep the dishes caught up and everyone in clean clothes but really I AM BAD. I have not been using the spiritual gifts God gave me in my own home. I have done the spiritual gift test and it revealed what I can now see is so obvious. I am an administrator. I love to make things work, I do great under pressure, I like things done a certain way-MY way. This is an explanation of someone with the gift of administration....

"You don't often admit to mistakes (I mean, I WOULD if I made one) and do not like to take time to explain why you are doing things (Isn't BECAUSE I SAID SO! an explanation?); you just expect the job to get done.(OH YEA! That is ME!) If things in the church, office, club, etc. become fragmented, you can harmonize the whole program if given a chance. You are a person with a dream and are not afraid to attempt the impossible(Really?! Is anything REALLY impossible?!). You are goal-oriented, well-disciplined, and work best under heavy pressure.(pressure is good, I need a little pressure) You are often a good motivator(most often, I can get people busy) and not a procrastinator(ok, I do have a tendency to procrastinate but only until the pressure rises to the level I need to GET ER DONE). You are serious minded, highly motivated, intense(so I have been accused a time or two), and have an accurate self-image. You tend to be more interested in the welfare of the group than your own desire. You are probably a perfectionist and want things done your way now(I cant call myself a perfectionist because I am a perfectionist that cant ever get things perfected so I refuse to use the term perfectionist until I live up to it which is impossible so I must not be a perfectionist BUT I want it done MY way and NOW because my way is most often to most perfect way possible to get things done-know what I mean?). Although to others you appear to be organized, you usually aren't(some may think it but I am sooo not most of the time). Be careful that you do not make decisions just based on logic rather than Scripture. Work on your willingness to
admit to making a mistake
(yea, I'll get on that part!)and on being more sensitive to "little" people(this most likely means my family, most often). Try to be a little more tolerant of other people's mistakes(if they would have done it my way there wouldn't have been mista....oh yea...tolerant...I'll try harder). Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He can cause pride(UT-OH) because of your leadership role, selfishness (OH-ME!) because of success (not sharing glory with those under you), blame-shifting when things go wrong(BUT THEY...BUT...BU...OH ALRIGHT!), discouragement and
frustration when goals are not met(I have been living here)
, anger and mistreatment (yep, ashamed to say, that's my address) of those who disagree with your plans, lack of concern for people, lack of spiritual growth, and wrong motives."

Well that pretty much sums it up! I have been in the "Satan attacking" stage for awhile but the Lord has been working and growing me all along. It all started a while back when I wanted to be the perfect submissive wife so I tried to force my husband to lead in areas he is not made for (doesn't submissive mean force others to do stuff?). He is not an administrator in the least bit. I looked at my spiritual gift as a leadership role and pride stepped in and I felt like I was the head honcho of this whole operation and my husband became one of the "little" people in my eyes. I knew that was not a biblical way to live so I decided my husband had to take on all things I had previously been in charge of and I would just then submit to him and do none of the things I was best at. That led me straight into the discouragement and frustration because things were not getting done. It wasn't that he did not try, man, he gave it his best shot. He is just not wired the same as me. His strengths are not my strengths. His gifts are not my gifts. Oh thank the Lord because if there were 2 administrators trying to administrate the same home it could get really messy! So while my poor husband is doing his best to fill the role God created me to fill as well as filling his own role, he is feeling more and more like a failure because things are getting worse and I am getting more and more frustrated because I know I could get things fixed and back in order but I have to be submissive so I let him struggle and I move in to the anger phase and nothing is right with the universe. Because I have forced some of my role upon my husband, the rest of my role has been adversely affected. I have felt useless and unmotivated. I just can't seem to get anything done because if I can't get it all done the way it needs to be what is the purpose of doing part of it but I can't do all of it because I am to busy being submissive and forcing my husband to do half of it. We have no schedule, there is NO organization, my house is almost condemnable, my children are running amuck and I don't know how to submissively take charge and make things right! Finally-we talk! The Lord has been growing my wonderful husband as well this whole time we have been wandering through our own wilderness. Monty realized (and said-which I give him total props for. It takes a BIG man to admit these things) he is not made to fill the role he has been trying to fill. It is my role and he knows it and I know it and if we just put things back the way God intended it, all could once again become right in our universe. HALLELUJAH!!! I feel like myself again. I have purpose. I am back where God made me to be. My husband is happy because a weight he was not meant to carry is off of his shoulders. He has complete confidence we will be coming out of this wilderness because he knows I have been given the map that can lead us out and he had no way of reading it, God gave it to me and not to him. My home is already looking more "kept" now that the keeper is back. Our kids have been warned that changes are a comin and they are preparing. And I am depending on the Lord to keep me in check when it comes to submitting to my husband. I am learning that being made to take control in certain areas of raising a family and keeping a home does not equal me being the leader of my family. Monty is our leader and he has put me in a position of leadership in some areas, the same areas God gave me the ability to control. So SATAN, GET BEHIND ME! and take your pride and selfishness and frustration and discouragement with you! We won't be needing them anymore.


Anonymous said...

Hey Char!
Amen sister! If you administrators would realize that not all people think like you, the world would be a better place. You have a great husband with great qualities and it sounds like your on your way! Isn't growing in Christ awesome?

char said...

You're just like Monty and you know me so well-YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME SOONER!! But hey, God brought us to this wilderness for a reason and it was not just to die here! One of these days He will lead us to our promised land!!

Love ya!!!!

{ jamie } said...

Always encouraging to hear someone making an effort to grow in their walk with Christ! So keep it up! :-)

Your family is beautiful, by the way!

redink said...

What a wonderful marriage you have to be able to grow through this.
These are the things to build on. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. They are an encouragement.

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